Pondering Life

Do you ever get completely overwhelmed with what the Holy Spirit is calling you to do, challenging you with, or teaching you? That pretty much sums up this season of my life. I can feel my heartstrings being tugged in many different areas of my life. I feel like the Holy Spirit is really challenging me in such areas as relationships with family and friends, my marriage, parenting and the overwhelming concept of living life abundantly. "Holy Cow," as Adi would say. Where do I begin?? I have had a burning desire to read more, to walk closer with the Lord, to gain more knowledge, and guard my life with His word. I absolutely love it but at times I don't know where to begin and simply just feel frustrated and overwhelmed. I've already used that word many times and I haven't gotten very far in this blog post yet. Yes, that one - OVERWHELMED!! Maybe I should have changed the title of this post.

Anyway, the Lord is speaking to me through numerous studies and books that I am a part of right now. I am in a Mom's Bible Study on Tuesday mornings and we just started a new study by Priscilla Shirer - One in a Million. The small group that Bradey and I are a part of just started a new study by Matt Chandler - Philippians. My pastor is currently doing a sermon series called Tilted Halos and Broken Steeples. www.hillsidewired.com That is just a few of the sources of wisdom that I have been blessed with recently. I am loving every minute of it and trying my best to soak it all in. I don't want to just be a hearer anymore, but I desire to be a doer. That is so hard in today's fallen, imperfect and evil world.

I once read Waking the Dead, by John Eldredge, and I just recently found it and cracked it open. I don't believe I found it by accident, I wholeheartedly believe I was lead to it for a reason so far beyond my thinking. The book talks about, "the glory of a heart fully alive." My overwhelming feelings slowly started to dissipate as I read the first chapter. This season of my life is somewhat starting to make sense to me. Here's an excerpt from the book that is so extraordinary and it speaks volumes.

"Before he promised us life, Jesus warned that a thief would try to steal, kill, and destroy it. How come we don't think that the thief then actually steals, kills, and destroys? You won't understand your life, you won't see clearly what has happened to you or how to live forward from here, unless you see it as BATTLE. A war against your heart. And you are going to need your whole heart for what's coming next. I don't mean what's coming next in the story I'm telling. I mean what's coming next in the life you're living. There are a few things I know, and one thing I do know is this: we don't see things as clearly as we ought to. As we NEED to. We don't understand what's happening around us or to us or to those we love, and we are practically clueless when it comes to the weight of our own lives and the glory that's being...held back.

Some of you don't see it yet. That's all right. We have a whole book ahead of us. If it's true that there is a fierce battle unfolding all around us - and against us - why isn't the enemy more visible? And if there is a glory to my life, well, then, why don't I see THAT? Why do I struggle so much, and where is that life God offers?

We don't see clearly because we don't see with the eyes of our heart."

WOW!!!! I had to read that a few times until it finally set in. I asked myself so many questions at that point. Am I truly clueless when it comes to the weight of my own life and the glory that's being HELD BACK? I don't think I even know how to answer that, much less the actual answer!

Until we come to terms with WAR as the context of our days we will not understand life.